


We Try to Wake, but We're Not Dreaming

by Malicei



Series: Write the Song That Will Be Our Salvation [1]
Category: Metalocalypse
Genre: Aw they do care, Dark Comedy, Getting Together, Love/Hate, M/M, METAAAAAAAAAAAL!, Serious comedy, Show-typical levels of violence and swearing, Tsunderes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-05
Updated: 2015-10-05
Packaged: 2018-04-24 23:38:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,381
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4938340
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Malicei/pseuds/Malicei
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I hates you, Swisgaar."<br/>"I knows."</p><p>He smiles at Toki. For a second he feels an urge to reach forward and comfort Toki in what's likely going to be one of the last moments of their life.</p><p>But that's totally not metal. Isn't that the entire purpose of their lives? To be metal as fuck? That's all any of them have ever been good for.</p><p>Toki understands. It's good enough. It has to be.</p><p>It has to.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Just a Boy From Norway

**Author's Note:**

> Copious amounts of swearing and dark humour, because it's Metalocalypse we're talking about.
> 
> I wanted to read some Toki/Skwisgaar fanfic, but a lot of it is written fairly seriously and/or romatically. (Well, and porn without plot.) Nothing wrong with that, I just wanted show-typical dark humour with a focus on their relationship in general.
> 
> So I wrote this.

_You seem so nice, it's a shame you must go down this way…_

 His name is Toki. Just a boy from Norway, as he says. He's little dorky and stupid looking.

(Probably) not actually _that_ stupid, just stupid looking with his old fashioned hat and dick coverer bag. Was that what they were called in English? Skwisgaar was never that great at it. Whatever. His guitar spoke for him and that mattered way more than some stupid rules on where to add -s to the end of words.

There's something about this kid. He can't quite figure out why he has a feeling this meeting is the beginning of something very important. There's something way he stood in the entrance so dramatically - for a second he almost thought he saw something in the shadows.

Gah. Skwisgaar's mind must be playing up, trying to make the guy seem more metal just because he seemed cool.

 

Still, Skwisgaar was not going to go easy on him. No matter how sweet the guy looked.

* * *

 He didn't expect _that._

...Good. It was...nice. Nice to have someone who could keep up with him.

Skwisgaar gets bored easily when it comes to anything other than guitar, and thrives on the idea of challenge. Not real challenge, pft, Skwisgaar will always be the best guitarist and if the kid can't deal with it that's his own fucking problem, not Swisgaar's.

It would be ...nice, though, to have someone challenge him. Sure, it was nice to have people kneel down in awe of his godly skills but actually having groupies and fans got so boring and annoying after a while.

Plus it makes him play better. It all comes down to guitar in the end. Skwisgaar's willing to put aside his pride for the sake of the one thing he really, truly loves unconditionally.

That's why he changes his mind, he tells himself. Why he opens his arms and smiles at the delighted Norwegian.

"I wants you in my band," he says.

Because it improves his playing, he reasons.

He doesn't add: _it's lonely up on the top. It would be...nice, to have someone with me._

* * *

 When Toki starts gushing about being overjoyed with his new friends, the others can be counted on to correct him. Good for Pickles.

"Band mates. Baaaaaandmates, Toki."

"What is bandmate, Pickle?"

"They're people you're in a band with, Toki."

"I thought yous all friends also?"

"Oh, gawd no. I hate these douchebags. We all hate each other. Caring is totally not metal."

"Yeah, totally not metal," Nathan agrees.

"I'd rather stick hot pokers in my eyes and eat my own shisk-kebabed eyes than call these dickheads my friends." Murderface mutters.

Skwisgaar continues plucking away at  his unplugged guitar. It's relaxing.

Toki scrunches his forehead up in confusion. He looks so stupid like that. Like a child. It looks fucking (ugh) cutesy and that's totally not metal.

Then suddenly, Toki's face clears and he brightens. "Oh! I gets it now. I hates you alls too!" he says, happy and open and so fucking dumb, how can you say something like that and look like a carefree five year old who doesn't know what the words he's saying mean?

"You's are stupid." Skwisgaar tells him later.

Toki frowns and pouts. "What? Why you says this? I'ms not stupid!" he protests.

"Uhhhh, yes you are. Hate means that you really really ams not liking. And today's is not Opposite Day. So either your English sucks dick or you are too stupid to understand what we ares saying."

"No, is you guys ams stupid." Toki protests. "How comes you guys are saying one thing and meaning the opposite? You guys funnys. Normal people just saying they ams _loves_ each other and good _friends_ and _carings_ for them."

"But we don't! That's the point!"

Toki just smiles, content and satisfied, like he knows he's right and is waiting for everyone else to figure it out.

Well. Screw this. Crazy little Toki wants to believe his own little happy-happy, cutesy delusions of peace and love, he can.

* * *

 They don't have much, playing down at the local shithole that dared call itself a venue. Hard to break even, even with a manager looking after their incompetent asses. A lot of the time they wasted their gig money getting wasted, anyway.

Toki had nowhere to go so he ends up staying at the place Skwisgaar's renting. There's…a lot of insults that fly between the two - but that's just how they _talk._

_"Oh, helvete!"_ Skwisgaar curses. "Toki, what ams doings? Is that a…rats? Why's you am setting s the fire to the dead rats?!"

Toki doesn't bother looking up. "Am learns the cookings, Skwisgaar!"

"W-whys a rats?! Why nots the chickens or the cows or the fishies or-"

There's a frown on Toki's face. "I thoughts we needs saves moneys, so I hunts this rat for us. How you think I eats on the street?"

"Wha- I thought you begged the rich hairy balls assholes for moneys, or sucks the old grandpa's cocks! I knows you had a little cash!"

Toki shrugs. "Savesed money for the guitar. Why waste moneys on foods can gets for frees?"

"Idiot! We goings to gets food poisonings and dies! Even I knows the rats that ams not foods!"

"…Whats about pigeons, then, huh?" Toki retorts. "Theys like the street chickens! Can't waste the street chickens!"

Skwisgaar thinks about it. "…Still sounds stupid, Toki."

Toki pouts. _You're not a child, Toki,_ Skwisgaar thinks. _Maybe a manchild, though._

"Fine, Skwisgaar. Then gives me your beer money or we going starvings together."

"…Fine! Fine. Cooks the stupid street chickens then."

* * *

 Pft, apparently you needed to clean the pigeons before you ate them. How was Skwisgaar supposed to know you weren't supposed to eat them just as you found them?

They threw up feathers through the entirety of their gig  and then got banned for life after the owner saw the… _thing_ that used to be the pub's toilet. Then their manager quit on the spot.

Well, the guy didn't actually say anything, he just fell over and hit his head on the bar and blood started spurting out like a hose. Pretty metal, but the guy refused to do anything with them after that. Yeah, so what if he was dead? He should have turned into a zombie or something if he was dedicated as they were. Lazy asshole.

"Guys," Nathan says. "I think we need, like, a proper manager. 'Cause we're not gonna get anywhere like this."

* * *

They find the most boring looking, glasses-wearing, suit and tie sort of guy ever. Probably went home to jerk off to his spreadsheets or something. But he seems to know his stuff and even Skwisgaar can't complain when things start turning around.

Suddenly the venues aren't quite so terrible and the crowds are consistently bigger than before. People start recognising Skwisgaar and yeah, okay, it might be starting to get to his head a little. So what if he had an ego? Fuck them.

They are the best. Skwisgaar knows this. Clearly, the world agrees - there's more money, more gigs, more groupies, more everything. And yet somehow…

He glances at Toki. He's not the half-starved kid they found on the streets, anymore. Still sweet and dorky as ever.

"Still stupids…" he mumbles to himself.

"You stupids, Skwisgaar!"

"NO AMS NOT!"

* * *

 Dethklok is bigger than they ever imagined it'd be. Sure, everyone fantasied about making it to the top - but only the very best actually made it there.

Skwisgaar caught a look of Toki's room the other day. Mordhaus is a masterpiece: the most badass, most metal home they could make.

So why was Toki decorating with his little kiddy toys?

"Tokis. Whys you ams decorating withs the happy happy fluffy baby toys?"

"Ehhh?"

"This ams totally not metal."

"It's am toos is metals! What's so wrongs with lovings the plushies?"

"You're likes a little baby." Skwisgaar tells him. "Is that…crayons you using? You colouring in like a little childrens?" he teases.

There's a blank look on Toki's face. "Huh? But I never does this stuff when I was a kids. It's new to me."

What? Uhhh…what? "You, uh, never does this stuff when you little?"

"What? No." Toki cocks his head at Skwisgaar. "I did the normals kid stuff, like the walks twenty kilometres in the snow to collect firewoods barefoot-"

What?

"-gets starved and whipped by my parents and locks in the cellar when can't finish on time…"

…Ah.

"…Toki." Skwisgaar tries to search for a way to put it delicately. He didn't expect to hear something like this from Toki, of all people. "I, um. Not thinks that normal" he says, as awkwardly gentle as he knows how to be.

Fuck, Skwisgaar signed up to play guitar, not be a therapist. Even he knows he's probably the worst person to go to about this sort of stuff.

Toki looks down at his drawing. It's a stick figure picture of the whole band, holding hands, the kind most children would draw of their family. They all look pretty happy. It's weird. Toki's the only one who regularly smiles like that.

It seems a whole lot less funny and stupid now. Now it's just kind of…sad.

Toki doesn't say anything for a moment. Then he shrugs. "I knows I'm weird, Skwisgaar. Don't needs tell me that."

There's a strange hollow feeling in his chest. Skwisgaar swallows down any words he might have had to say and just…leaves.

Stupid Toki, trying to get Skwisgaar to feel emotions. Skwisgaar's a self-admitted self-centred bastard, why should that change just for Toki?

.

…

…Stupid Toki, making Skwisgaar feel bad for him.

* * *

 Toki never changes his room. Skwisgaar doesn't bother him about it anymore.

It's…not actually that bad, truth be told. But Skwisgaar has his pride, so he never admits it.

One day he decides just to go look at Toki's room. He doesn't know why he goes. His feet just led him there.

He's not quite sure what he expected. The model planes and arts and crafts stuff are all very Toki.

Skwisgaar spots the picture Toki had been working on the last time he saw Toki's room up on a wall. It's been long finished, the black crayon proudly stating 'DETHKLOK'. What truly catches his eye are the ones of him.

Skwisgaar playing guitar, Skwisgaar in corpse paint, Skwisgaar eating, Skwisgaar drinking, Skwisgaar doing drugs, Skwisgaar passed out, Skwisgaar getting his stomach pumped, Skwisgaar asleep in his room…

_What the actual fuck, Toki._

There's one that stands out alone and it takes him off guard because it's different from all the others.

It's the only one of Skwisgaar smiling.

He brushes his fingers up against it gently, tracing the curve and then quickly moves his hand away when he realises what a fucking weirdo he's being. Damn, weirdness must be contagious. He quickly wipes his hands on his pants as if he'd just touched something dirty even though there was no one there to see him be weird.

He can't help but take one last glance at it before he leaves.

 

…Skwisgaar can't remember the last time he genuinely smiled like that.

* * *

 Toki's been acting weird. Weirder than usual. Sure, he's more metal now with the spikes and excessive drinking- but, well.

He's not fucking worried about Toki. That would mean he actually cared.

Still, when the others start talking about kicking Toki out?

 

_Oh...that may be a bit much for mes._

* * *

 Toki...is disturbingly starting to look good in that girly workout outfit and ponytail.

Probably the not-having-bitches-to-screw thing is fucking with his mind. He's actually seriously considering it.

This must be among the worst ideas he's ever had. He's just suffering from sex-withdrawal, probably. Not Skwisgaar's fault that Toki looks so much like a girl from behind.

A cute girl. With abs and a mustache. Okay, that mental picture was even more disturbing.

Fine. Skwisgaar thinks Toki looks attractive. Nothing more to it. Can't a bro appreciate his fellow man's muscles and abs and cute ass and adorable personality without it being gay?

He's not gay for Toki. He _isn't._

* * *

He doesn't think about it for a looooong time.

* * *

 "I hates you, Skwisgaar."

"I knows."

He smiles at Toki. For a second he feels an urge to reach forward and comfort Toki in what's likely going to be one of the last moments of their life.

But that's totally not metal. Isn't that the entire purpose of their lives? To be metal as fuck? That's all any of them have ever been good for.

Toki understands. It's good enough. It has to be.

_It has to._

* * *

 They don't speak about what happened. Just went and pretended everything went on like normal. Went back to their normal antagonistic relationship.

Skwisgaar's not sure when he started wanting more.

* * *

 Why the fuck is that one Slayer song always playing whenever Toki enters the room?

Is the universe trying to tell him something? Angel of death? Really? Is it trying to be literal and tell him Toki's an actual angel who brings death upon them all? Because he's fairly certain he would have noticed if Toki was one of those neo-nazi extremist weirdos who did 'experiments' on people.

Well, there was that time with the racist bunny. That was kinda weird.

* * *

  _Nathan was the only one who could actually stop gaping at Toki serenely petting his new pet rabbit while sitting surrounded by bits of the other rabbit's guts._

_"Uh... Toki, why did you kill and mangle the black bunny's dead corpse?" Nathan asks, bewildered. "I thought you were gonna like. Make them screw and have lots of disgustingly cute rabbit kids. I'm pretty sure babies can't happen if one of them is dead."_

_Toki looks up from where he's petting the white rabbit. "Hm? Oh no, not Toki kills it. It's Varg that does it."_

_"...Varg?"_

_Toki tilts his head down, gesturing at the smug looking white rabbit, which, now that Swisgaar was looking at it, was foaming at the mouth. With suspiciously red foam._

_"Uhhh. Right." Nathan scratches the back of his head. "Um. Is there a reason you named it after that racist black metal murderer dude?"_

_"Oh, ja. He's a racist bunny and eats his girlfriend because she was a black bunny."_

_"Ah...Tokis, I'm thinks he not eats because he ams racist..."_

_"I think he alreadys burns hims rabbit-home down because I accidentally puts the upside down cross upsides down. You know, todays I finds out rabbit poopy smells really, really bad if you burns it."_

_"...Oh, gods." Skwisgaar face palms._

_"That- that's fucking brutal." Nathan says. "I didn't think bunnies could be brutal, but that's the metalest fucking bunny ever. Bunnycide."_

* * *

 "Dude, Skwisgaar." Pickles says. "I know you don't need a reason to play Slayer, I mean, like, random Slayer is good whatever the hell you're doing. But c'moooooon, why've you got the same song on repeat? I must've heard it at least 100 times already-"

"Whats you mean?" Skwisgaar asks, genuinely confused. "I only starts hearing it plays when Toki comes in. I thoughts maybe he is trying to fuck with my minds, maybe he has a remote control or something and is controlsing it."

Pickles stares. "I'unno much about grannymaphones or anything, but I'm preeeeetty sure they don't have remote controls."

"Wells, I only notice it when Toki ams coming in."

"Dats impossible, dude. I've been hearing it down the halls since we, y'know, made the halls super big and echoey since we wanted the riding elephants to fit down here. Remember the riding elephants?"

"Oh, ja. And then we has to kills all the elephants because they are doing giant poopies everywhere and then Moidaface is falling into one and he stinked like elephant crap for a week."

"Yeaaaah. Oh man, dat shit was soooo funny. And then we tried to hint that he should shower more. And then he was all like 'are you telling me I stink' and we were like 'yeah dude, you stink' and then then he got all upset-"

Skwisgaar snorts. "Big crybaby pussy," he says without much venom. "I thinks we should buy him somes industry strengths soaps. I'pretty sure his foots has their own alien lifes."

"Aw geez, that's a bit rough- Oh hey, the grannyphone's on repeat, that's why."

"Oh."

Pickles gives him a look."Really, dude? How could you like, not notice the song was repeating for like the last three hours?"

"I was thinking. About things."

Pickles is going to have old man wrinkles very soon at this rate. "Are you seriously tellin' me you got so lost in yer own head that you didn't return back to earth until Toki came in and reminded you there was more to life than dreaming of guitar, booze, drugs, fucking sluts and more guitar? I mean nawt that there's anything _wrong_ with dat. Just. Dude. _Duuuuuude."_

Skwisgaar's got no answer for that.

Pickles gives Skwisgaar a look, then turns and leaves.

* * *

Skwisgaar stares up at the ceiling, lost in thought. Maybe he could be a good monk, if it weren't for the, y'know. And the whole religious bullshit thingy. And the whole having to do boring regular jackoff stuff.

Whatever. It was peaceful. He'd thrown the gramophone out the windows for the yard wolves to deal with. He didn't think wolves ate electronics but then again, gramophones didn't use electricity, did they? That was a gramophone, …wasn't it? The ones that used tape and shit? It worked with natural mechanical energy to read the tapes or something.  And wolves ate natural things, right?

Eh, probably. Peaceful, at least.

Well, it is peaceful until Toki barges in, ("Oh no, Toki, no, nots _agaaaaaaaaaain!")_ leaping gleefully onto Skwisgaar's bed.

Skwisgaar's _SuperBounce Springy McSpringyTime bed_ ('for all your bouncing boob needs! Guaranteed to make even the floppiest of granny boobs fly up high again!')

The laws of physics meant Skwisgaar finds himself promptly flown off the bed and face planting.

_"Toki!"_

Toki fucking _giggles._

Evil Toki. Everyone one liked to think Toki was so nice and sweet and innocent (the others liked to overlook it when he wasn't… quite so lovely), but Skwisgaar had been personally targeted too many times to ever forget.

"Fucks you, Toki!"

Skwisgaar watches that deceptively muscled back disappear from sight as Toki runs off still giggling.

He doesn't know why his chest feels strange when he hears the sound of those sweet, high pitched giggles.

* * *

 That night he dreams.

Toki stands before him as an angel of death, terrible and beautiful. He doesn't say anything to Skwisgaar, simply stretches these giant brown eagle wings out, drenched in blood.

Skwisgaar...is not afraid. The opposite, actually. He is a god here, and his faithful shredding axe is slung across his back.

He doesn't see the others, but he knows they're there in the way dreamers somehow just know things.

Toki looks at him and then turns to fly off.

Skwisgaar should go with him. Angels of death will only leave corpses in their wake, and Skwisgaar has only ever wanted someone at his side.

* * *

 The strange feelings Skwisgaar gets round Toki only get stronger. He doesn't know what to do.

So he does what he's always done and treats Toki like he hates him.

~~(That's the only way they know how to love.)~~

_…You're so weird, Toki. Why are you always so weird about me? Wearing my clothes, dressing up like me, using my mugs. I know I'm amazing, but this-_

What the hell does it _mean?_

What was Toki doing anywhere near that fucking cocaine clown? Friends? Pft, who the fuck needed friends? Relationships, what?

Even Skwisgaar can tell he's bad news. He's a fucking clown.

…Why does he even care? It's just _Toki._ Fucking Toki can do what he wants, what does Skwisgaar care?

* * *

 …No. _No._

Of all-

Of all the fucking people-

…they took Toki.

 

They took _Toki._


	2. Caring is Metal.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Swisgaar does care.

_I'm a man with a tortured sight._   
_I fear this dream will end tonight._   
_The water beasts continue singing._   
_We try to wake but we’re not dreaming._   
_I’m gonna find you,_   
_I’m running out of time._   
_I gotta play this part,_   
_this is my lot in life._

-Dethklok, Blazing Star

* * *

~~Toki~~

Everything's fine. Nothing's wrong. It's not like Skwisgaar expects the familiar stability of a rhythm guitarist for him to rely on to be there. It's not at all strange for Skwisgaar to begin one of his sweeping solos and have it sound strangely empty without someone holding him together.

What does he think holds the music together, the bass? Pft. Nobody heard it anyway. The drums? _Skwisgaar_ could bang (ha!) things better than that.

Oh gods. Toki. Why-? Toki is silly and sweet and perfectly harmless unless you're being an idiot and go and piss him off. 

Toki. _Toki._

His face is leaking. He goes to hunt down some cocaine so he doesn't look like some sort of pussy who actually cares about people.

They're liars, all of them.

* * *

The first thing Skwisgaar thinks when he sees them is: _he looks so small and broken and still._

He thinks he might have stopped breathing when he reaches out to put his hand on Toki's chest to make sure Toki's still alive.

Skwisgaar panics a bit as he tries to remember where the heart was. Was it around the stomach? Someone once said the way to a man's heart was through his stomach, right?!

Why were they all so incompetent? ~~Why was he so incompetent?~~

Randomly feeling up Toki's chest seems to have worked as he's finally figured out where it is. There's still a heart beat, and he realises he can feel Toki's shallow, painfully stiff breathing.

~~They've all been idiots who almost lost Toki because of their damn selfishness.~~

Toki's passed out. At least Skwisgaar has had experience with knowing what that looks like.

_What have they done to you, Toki?_

Skwisgaar keeps his hand over Toki's bare chest the rest of the way back to Mordhaus to, to, _to_ _make sure Toki doesn't go and urgh, die on them. Did Toki know how much paperwork they'd make Skwisgaar sign if Toki went and died?_

If Toki went and died on him, Skwisgaar would drag the selfish idiot back and make him sign all Skwisgaar's paperwork.

Toki's chest is so _cold._

Skwisgaar does care.

* * *

Skwisgaar doesn't even care how gay this looks, hovering over Toki's bed (likes a helicopter-fly, he thinks.)

The others have all been in the hospital room to check up on Toki and Abigail but Skwisgaar's the only one who's stayed the entire time. To be fair, Skwisgaar kind of has to stay since he drank the entire ward's store of medical alcohol and they have to pump his stomach so he doesn't die or something.

Pft. Skwisgaar is a god, he's not going to die to a stupid thing like that-

Oh no, fuuuuuuuuuuck, he moved an inch. Maybe he is dying. Hurts so much.

"Pretty lady nurseee!" he calls out to the slim blond Klokateer in scrubs down the hall. "Gives me some booze or somes drugs so I can kill the pain!"

The blond turns around and turns out to have a massive beard visible under the hood. Ah. One of the interesting trends of hiring employees who were already metalheads - the Mordhaus hair cutter was going out of business. However, the salon stylist was doing well as ever.

"I am sorry, my lord." Blondie says. "We cannot up your anesthesia or your self-medicated painkillers or your alcohol levels. Because you will die. Sir."

Skwisgaar groans. "This am dildos. Why I am does this again for stupids Toki?"

There's a quiet, tired mumble. "Not am stupids, Skwisgaar."

Skwisgaar forgets himself, forgets everything that might have ever held him back. "Toki!" he says, jumping out of bed and over to Toki's.

 _"Hei,_ Swisgaar." Toki replies weakly, smiling. "I knew you would come. I believed in you guys."

...Oh, fuck his chest, that really, really hurt. That must be why his eyes are watering.

(Liar. They almost didn't come.)

"...We were almost too late, Toki." Skwisgaar admits quietly. "You almost died."

Toki gives a tiny, stiff shrug. "But I didn't. So it okay, Skwisgaar."

Fuck it. Skwisgaar does care, so what? He'll always be metal, no matter what he does.

Caring is metal.

He leans over Toki and gives an awkward one armed hug as best he can without pulling out the IV. Toki looks pleasantly confused but doesn't otherwise respond, like he's not used to dealing with physical affection.

Skwisgaar feels a hesitant pat on his head, like Skwisgaar's a puppy or something. He would give Toki a 'are you kidding me' look but Toki's probably reaaaaally high on the good drugs right now.

If that's true, it won't be so weird to actually admit his feelings.

"I was so scared that maybe you ares _dead,_ Toki." And because feelings are scary, he adds: "Then who's I play guitar with? We gets some, some stupids jerkoff who can'ts even play Smokes on de Water."

"I'm pretty sures the first thing you learns on the guitar is Smoke on the Waters, Skwisgaar." Toki mumbles.

"Ja, but they probablys so bad they don't even can does it properly! I-"

Toki's frowning and covering his head with the blankets until the only thing can be seen is a hint of messy brown hair. "Head am hurtings, Skwisgaar." Toki moans. "Too much noises, like when's you are standings in front of the amps too long without earplugs. Tells me what you wants without talking."

He doesn't know what comes over him, yanking down the blankets. Maybe they're both on too many drugs. Maybe he's just happy that Toki's alright.

Because he tells Toki. With just his lips.

Toki freezes, eyes wide in shock. "Mmpfph?!"

Skwisgaar is a pussy. He takes a moment to process what he's just done and then turns and starts to run, forgetting that under the cute cuddly image Toki is actually extremely fit.

So Skwisgaar's face smashes into the floor when Toki accidentally knocks him to the ground in an attempt to stop Skwisgaar from fleeing.

"...ouch, Toki. Yous getting fat." Skwisgaar attempts to joke weakly as he tries to stop the blood dripping down his face.

The questions Toki evidently has on his lips die when they see the blood, furrowed brow morphing into honest concern. Idiot, Toki's the one more hurt.

"Are you okay?!"

"Ouch, ah. I'm okays."

There's silence for a few seconds. Toki stares down looking like he has no idea what's going on from where he's basically straddling Swisgaar.

 "Uh...Toki, you are a liiiittle heavy."

"Euh, sorries Skwisgaar."

They stare at each other once Toki finally rolls off.

There's a strand of hair caught in Toki's mouth. Skwisgaar reaches out to take care of it automatically before realising just how fucking intimate it looks. But Toki just lets him, eyes following Skwisgaar's hand.

"Ahhh...Skwisgaar, what just then happenings?" Toki asks, face unreadable.

Toki's not that stupid, no matter what insults Skwisgaar throws his way.

"It, um. It was a kisses."

Toki blinks. "Euhhhh...Skwisgaar, you know you can get guy groupies if yous want? No needs try hump me if you just horny."

"I...I cares about you. Idiot."

"...Oh. Oh!"

Toki's eyes are wide. He looks completely off balance and his mouth is gaping open like a dumb fish. Skwisgaar's stomach sinks and looks away quickly, refusing to look Toki in the eyes.

"Forgets this, Toki, I'ms gone gets drunk-"

The uncertain, shy peck on Skwisgaar's lips is nothing like the kisses Skwisgaar usually gets.

"...Can'ts just kiss and runs, Skwisgaar!" Toki says, crossly. "Gots to does it properly!"

"...Toki?"

Toki lifts his chin up, defying Skwisgaar to make a move. "You wants be with me, like, likes in the romantics movies, ja? Isn't that what a kisses means here? You says you cares about me, not just you wants hump me."

"…Ja, I says this."

"Not ams lying?"

"…No. Wha-" What's Toki up to?

Toki grabs Skwisgaar's hand and Skwisgaar lets him, bewildered. There's a small smile on Toki's face.

"Thens we both agrees then." Toki says. "We wants be togethers, so be _togethers."_

Skwisgaar's the one who has his mouth drop open this time. "…What?"

Nod.

"Just likes that? No stupids sappy declaration of loves forevers and evers?"

Toki's eyes widen and the smile turns into a full blown grin. "Didn't knows yous are secretlys a romantics, Skwisgaar."

The moment that passes between them, Skwisgaar decides, was totally not tender and sweet. What kinds of stupids pussy emotions did people think he had-

Okay. Swisgaar lied. Big deal.

Okay, fine. It was, the, the, tender and sweet. _Shut up, Toki._

* * *

 They turn around only to end up face to face with the blond nurse Klokateer from earlier, obviously taking a video of them on his phone.

Blondie makes a little "eep!" and wets himself.

"...Fired. You fired." Skwisgaar says.

The Klokateer's in obvious relief. "Oh, thank you, thank you for not having me killed, my lords-"

"Did we says not we have you killed?" Toki asks, sweetly as ever. "We puts you on the fire until you fired and then we fire you into the suns."

Toki scares him sometimes.

The Klokateer falls to his knees and tries to beg. "Forgive me my lords, I beg of you, have mercy-"

"Toki, not am thinkings that am what fired means." Skwisgaar says.

Blondie looks at his fellow blond in hopes of salvation.

"You means burned, ja?" Skwisgaar continues. "You meansed we puts him on the fire until he burned and then we fire him into the sun."

The guy's fellow Klokateers are already reading out the guy's will and hauling in the firewood. Blondie's crying like a baby.

Toki's ignoring the commotion and found his 'Get better soon! xoxoxo' cards and gifts. Swisgaar walks over and awkwardly grabs his own gift and holds it out to him. Toki tilts his head to the side in confusion and opens it. His eyes widen in delight.

"Woweeee, you gets me a deady bear Skwisgaar?" Toki says, touched.

"I know you likes this fluffy-fluffy baby toy craps."

Toki hugs Skwisgaar. It's a fucking beautiful moment. Especially in front of the nice cozy fire they've got started in the ER.

 _Smells like bacon,_ Swisgaar thinks. _Maybe we can have bacon for lunch together. He looks so weak now, he need to regain his strength…_

The screaming is like metal to their ears.

* * *

It all goes well until later.

Skwisgaar's hands naturally slip lower, used to the routine with girls. Toki freezes slightly when Skwisgaar gives his butt a cheeky squeeze.

"Ah..." Toki looks awkward.

"What?"

"I, ah. I don't thinks I wants do that. Sorry, Skwisgaar."

Oh. Disappointing, but it was worse to lose Toki over something like this. His hands slip back up around Toki's waist like a good boy.

"Okays. May I asks why?"

Toki bites his bottom lip. "...I don'ts want gets the herpes."

Skwisgaar jerks back slightly in surprise, mood entirely evaporated as he falls on a more familiar routine. "What! I don't has herpes, Toki!"

They've been _friends/rivals/whatever the hell they are_ for much longer than all this, this lovey-lovey, 'holding hands' bullshit, after all.

Toki reddens slightly. "How I knows that?! I stills don'ts wants whatever S-T-C-S-"

"STDs?!"

"S-T-D-S you has in your, your S-T-D-S parties they are havesings!" Toki rants. "Always havesings the pretty girls sleepovers, what I suppose to think, huh?!"

"Fuck, Toki." Skwisgaar stares. "You think I hasn't thinks of dat? That maybe the pretty ladies are trying to kills me with their diseases or maybe they are putting poisons up theys you-know-what? The klokateers are making sure all the pretty ladies are safe. It's the Skwisgaar's-Lady-Testing department. I'm pretty sures it is the most popular departments."

As Toki blinks back, apparently surprised, Skwisgaar gives him an unamused stare.

"...Are you sures?"

"You want me to get my dick checksed by a dick doctor?"

"…"

* * *

The fluorescent lights and scrubs have killed his boner.

"This not ams very sexy," Skwisgaar complains. "The first time you seeing my dicks and I'm being checksed by the dick doctor."

Toki's fiddling with the sharp, pointy looking tools he's found on the metal trolley. He's carving a picture of a cat into the side. _Scrreeeeeeeee. Screeereeeee._

Ohhhh...Odin help him. Where did the doctor go?

"Do you thinks they will lets me be a doctor, Skwisgaar?"

As much as the idea of Dr Wartooth appeals to Skwisgaar as a fantasy, he's pretty this will only end very, very badly. Like maybe he'll get his penis chopped off badly.

"No, Toki. Maybe you nots should touch that. Looks important."

Toki shrugs, making a "meh!" noise and tossing away the scalpel he was holding. It lands in a nurse's eye socket.

"So louds in here now." Toki complains. "Why dat lady ams screaming so much about?"

Skwisgaar agrees. "Ja, it just an eye. She just a big baby. All these nurses suck dildos."

* * *

The doctor runs the tests forty-two times.

"I can't believe it." The doctors mutter amongst themselves. "How is it possible he's not showing a single trace of ever had any sexually transmitted infection?"

"See?" Skwisgaar says, nudging Toki.

"It's a miracle." they say. "Somehow, despite our records of Skwisgaar being infected with literally every single catchable sexually transmitted infection (aside from Herpes) at different points in time, Skwisgaar's body seems to have magically been cured of every single one of them within a week."

Even Skwisgaar's startled at that revelation. "Maybe I really ams a god!" he says, only half-joking.

The doctors ask him how he does it,  trying to keep him behind to study.

"I'll goes and waits you in your room," Toki says before Skwisgaar can protest. Fine, Skwisgaar can wait a bit and let Toki get ready.

Skwisgaar gets poked and prodded and there's a looooooot of very disapointing dick-handling. Also, pft, they should know better than to ask about Skwisgaar's amazing abilities. Probably everytime he has sex it leaves his body and he passes his diseases onto the next girl. That's how it worked… didn't it?

Or maybe it was the bleach he washed his dick in. It left a funny tingly feeling.

Whatever. Skwisgaar didn't know, didn't care. So what? Miracle? God in disguise?

Who cared? It worked.

* * *

"Tokiiiiiiiiiiis! I am baaaack-"

…Fucking Toki.

Of course the idiot fell asleep. He was going to catch a cold, wearing so little like that.

…

….If anyone asked, Toki already had the blanket pulled over him. And the doctors must have, uh, used sleeping gas on Skwisgaar that just didn't kick in until now. He totally thought Toki was his pillow, he swears. It was totally the drugs.

* * *

The bed's cold when Skwisgaar wakes up. He's not sure what he expected.

He trudges off to the bathroom to shower, not sure why he feels strangely disappointed.

…Did Toki draw a cat on his mirror so that he wouldn't see it until the steam revealed it?

His mouth twitches. That-

_That's so gay, Toki._

Well. They are kind of both men. And…they have a, a…

A _Relationship._

…Holy fucking shit.

He stares at the fucking cat picture some more, then finally allows himself a tiny smile.

* * *

"So, like. Um."

Skwisgaar looks up. It's not like Nathan to come have a talk to him in private in his room.

"Yes, Naythans?"

"Are you and Toki, like, a thing? Because it's totally cool if you are. Except if you break his heart, because that's not cool and it'll fuck up the band dynamics and we'd probably have to break up the band-"

Skwisgaar instinctively balks a little inside because he's not used to this sort of 'caring about people' bullshit. Attachments hurt. For the longest time, he'd tried his absolute best not to get attached to this stupid fucking band.

A bit too late now. So much for that.

He leans back and hides his face with his arm. "Ja," he admits. "We are, um-"

Saying the words out loud almost seems too weird. It's such a big change. Like saying the words out loud means admitting to commitment. Commitments mean promises to uphold and people he can disappoint and hurt. It puts him in a position where he has to be accountable. Responsible. Vulnerable.

"We are...ins a relationship." he manages, uncharacteristically quiet as he mumbles into his shirt sleeve. Because saying boyfriends seems a little too gay right now. It's all a bit overwhelming.

It makes him really, really fucking nervous, to be honest. He's not used to being vulnerable.

Nathan scratches his head. "Like...is this like a groupie relationship?" he asks. "Or a holding hands and staring into each other's eyes like a creep relationship?"

Oh, gods. Skwisgaar's still getting used to the idea that he doesn't just want to have sex with someone, but have a actual Relationship. Moving his arm out of the way of his face (because, you know, even guitar gods needed to breathe), he avoids meeting Nathan's eyes.

"Uuuuuh...of course I am would likes both." Skwisgaar begins. "But the, uhm," (he makes an circle with his thumb and forefinger and uses his other hand to mime thrusting his middle finger through the circle) "-and the, um, holds hands pussy feelings nots the sames. And maybe I going crazies but I'm okay with gives up the-" (he repeats the hand gesture) "-for Toki."

He hears a "Dude, are you for real? You gonna give up the groupies for Toki?!" and a mumbled "Oh man, it's even gayer than I thought!" from behind him.

"...Wheres yous come from?!" Skwisgaar voice goes higher than he thought possible.

Pickles gives him an unamused look. "Duuuude, we're all part of the band, Skwisgaar. We should all know if you two are gonna get hitched. I call dibs on bridesmaid of honour."

"Obviously I'm going to be best man, since I'm the best of you all you losers." says Murderface.

"Ummmm, guys."

"Whaaaat, Nathan? You wanna be top bridesmaid too?"

"Uh, not really Pickles. I think Skwisgaar just fainted."

"Naaaah, he just passed out."

"...isn't that, uh, the same thing?"

"Nah. Pussies faint, cool people pass out."

"Oh. Then he's passed out."

They all look at Skwisgaar from where he was beginning to drool on the carpet.

Murderface broke the silence. "Soooooooo... Can we draw a dick on his face now?"

They glance at each other before looking back at Skwisgaar. "Sure, why not?" Pickles says. Nathan grunts, which probably meant yes.

* * *

"What's is so funny?" Skwisgaar asks suspiciously. "Is yous guys making fun of me and Tokis?" 

"No." The rest of the band repeats innocently. Toki seems to be attempting to hide a smile as well from where he was using Skwisgaar as a chair, making Skwisgaar even more suspicious.

"Tokis...you dones somethings?"

Toki continues plaiting Skwisgaar's hair. Skwisgaar had complained about the bows earlier and threatened to kick him off but Toki had unintentionally wriggled his ass and uh, it was, ahem, nice. Toki barely glances up as he replies with a "Noooo..."

"Did you does the fartsing on me or something? _Toki!"_

"Not me who is does anything!" Toki protests, indignant. "But maybe beautiful ladys Skwisgaar wants to check your makeups in the mirror..."

Skwisgaar narrows his eyes. "...but I'm not wearings any makeup?"

* * *

 They hear a distant "Fuck you alls!" a few minutes later.

* * *

"Comes here, stupidshead."

That gets a scowl from Toki. "Stop calls me that, Skwisgaar."

"Why?"

"We togethers now, so you gots be _nice_ and _sweets_ to mes."

"But thats am really gays, Toki."

Toki frowns, looking annoyed. "So? Oh, is big bad Toki who ams makes poor, littles, baby Skwisgaar gay, huh?!"

"Uhh...I bi-sex-you-alls, Toki."

"I makes you be withs me?!" Toki's voice goes really high when he's excited or pissed off, Skwisgaar notes.

"No-"

Toki crosses his arms over his chest. "Then if you really wants be with me, gots to be _nice."_ Toki's eyes soften. Clearly this is important to him. "Treats me _goods._ Calls me the carings, lovely, nice things, not 'oooooh, Toki sooooo stupid, Toki can't plays dee guitar!'" he rants.

Skwisgaar stares. It's...perfectly reasonable. Justified, actually. He looks away. "Even if it true?"

Toki gives Skwisgaar a look but doesn't budge.

"Okays, okays, I does this for you. Uh...yous are the, the-"

Skwisgaar glances around the room and then winces at the expectant look on Toki's  face.

"...the nicest, most goods at making model airplanes metals persons ever. And… ahhhh….your moustache is very, uh, good?"

There's a look of disbelief with a tinge of disappointment. Skwisgaar wonders at the sudden chest pain he feels. Maybe Toki has a voodoo doll of Skwisgaar he's just had someone stab for him? Sounded like something Toki would be into.

He swallows his pride. "And, ah." he continues, voice quiet. "Also very sweet-heart and prettys and goods at guitar even though you don'ts practice..."

Skwisgaar sees those eyes light up as Toki walks forward until he's inches from Skwisgaar's face. Skwisgaar's new heart problems seem to be acting up.

"You means that, Skwisgaar? You nots just says pretty words like you say to all the pretty girls?"

"You not a girls, Toki."

Toki waits for him to continue.

Skwisgaar closes his eyes. "And...I means this. It...it's embarrassments for me to say this things."

"Am I embarrassment, Skwisgaar?" Toki asks, voice soft but resolute. "Because I'm not be with a bastard who ams not call me nice things because _youuuus_ ams embarrassed."

Skwisgaar looks away. "No...you right. I start saying these things in public, even if it's super gay."

"Skwisgaar?"

"Ja?"

 _"This_ super gay."

Skwisgaar turns to blink, startled, and Toki ends up kissing his ear. Skwisgaar rolls his eyes and goes to show Toki how it's done.

"You are still stupids, but I likes you anyway." he tells Toki affectionately.

* * *

"Uhm, Skwisgaar, you know you don't need to touch me like I'm can break, right?"

"Well, I'ms not want to be too rough with yous, little, innocent princesses Toki." Skwisgaar replies, only somewhat sarcastic. 

"Weeeell, I just thought- is a little boring, you know? I thoughts yous going to be like a lions in bed, and then you alls 'teeeeddys bears'. I means, I loves teddys bears, but sometimes I also likes the 'raaaawr'." Toki mimes a little lion swiping at the air as he attempts to growl (pathetic, Nathan better not ever let Toki do vocals) but fuck the being a 'good boy' thing right in its dirty asshole.

"-oofh!" Toki manages as Skwisgaar attempts to grab Toki by the shoulders and drag him down with him onto the bed. Skwisgaar manages to accidentally pull on Toki's hair, and there's a "ouch ouch ouch, Skwisgaar!" coupled with some Norwegian swearing and a "whoops, sorries, I gets excited." But Toki's pupils are dilated and his light brown hair is wild and sticking up everythere. He looks really, really ~~(cute/sexy)~~ stupid.

"Fine," Skwisgaar manages, swallowing down his excitement. "If you are wants to be a spoilt princesses and haves everything does Tooooki's way, then you gots to shows me first." he taunts, smirking.

When Toki leans back, licks his lips and pulls his shirt off, Swisgaar is suddenly reminded of just how buff Toki is, that he's still prone to underestimating Toki and that he might have gotten a liiiiiitle more than he'd reckoned for.

Skwisgaar's pants pitch a tent immediately.

Toki shifts and moves up to tower over him, leaning in close. Skwisgaar can feel Toki's breath tickling against his ear.

"...Now _I_ gets to be in charge, Skwisgaar." Toki whispers, grinning mischievously.

Oh, _gods._

* * *

Toki's getting off on making Skwisgaar moan at his feet, the little shit.

* * *

 Toki is not only evil, he's a fucking tease.

* * *

It's in his fucking _hair._

* * *

_I hates you, Toki - Skwisgaar_

_I luvs u 2 Skwisgaar! :3 -Toki_

_Fuck you, Toki. Literalsy and likes the metaphor. - Skwisgaar_

_< 3 <3 <3 -Toki_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's true. Swisgaar doesn't have herpes, Toki. Swisgaar sings that he'll "maybe gets herpes!" in Partying Around the World, therefore he doesn't have herpes. (Yet.)
> 
> A silly conversation I had with my significant other regarding this chapter:
> 
> Me: *Hearts forever*  
> Me: *Hearts to infinity*  
> Me: *Actual bleeding human hearts everywheres*  
> SO: That's pretty metal.  
> Me: …Kisses are metal now  
> SO: I dunno, it feels weird in my stomach. Are you sure it's metal?  
> Me: That's the butterflies staging a prison escape. That's pretty metal.  
> Me: Your lunch is now their escape raft on your stomach acid sea  
> Me: Did you know they're escaping and planning to attack your heart? That's probably why it feels weird too.  
> Me: Maybe your heart wants to be a bad drummer like mine. Keeps speeding up for some reason.
> 
> Butterflies,  
> in your stomach  
> Planning a prison break  
> Waiting to escape the wasteland of your body when the time is right
> 
> Wading through  
> A sea of acid  
> Finding the dregs of a masticated sandwich  
> Your lunch becomes a raft kept afloat by the power of your love
> 
> RISE, RISE, BUTTERFLIES!  
> RIIIIIIIIISSSSSSSE!  
> RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIISSSSSSSSSSSEEEEE!  
> Rise from the depths of the pit of food consumption!  
> Attack the heart, with no compuction!  
> Soon your heart will start speeding up - like a shitty drummer who can't keep a beat!
> 
> RIIIIIIIIISSSSSSSE!  
> RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIISSSSSSSSSSSEEEEE!  
> RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIISSSSSSSEEEEEEEE!

**Author's Note:**

> Nathan, like, totally talks like, a, uh, not-particularly well-spoken valley girl.


End file.
